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tyler bishop

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[07 Mar 2005|07:41pm]

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[04 Mar 2005|08:56pm]
is it ironic that i didnt go to school, so i could swim? i told my dad i didnt feel up to it today, so he assumed i was sick and let me stay home. he left, i went to the pool, and spent the day there. i did 25's, 50's, 100's, 200's, 500's, heck, even several 1000's. i practiced starts and turns and i did drills and kicked and pulled.

i dont really think theres anything so euphoric as working out that hard. just letting everything go, to a point where its better than drinking or smoking anything that can take you away.

5 hours swimming. le shit. they asked me to leave, because i was "hogging the lane". i would have probably gone for another hour. i lost track of time, of life, of everything. it was so good. so beautiful. have you ever had your life flash before your eyes? i did today. i wasnt near death, i just wasnt near life anymore.

anyways, done with my deep swimming time, i drove home and almost got into an accident because i was so tired. but i swiftly avoided it and got myself home in one peice. i took a shower and then a nap. and i now i feel like going out, despite the fact that i dont think my legs could support me right now. ive honostly worked so hard that i needed crutches to get around for a couple hours. that was years ago, though.

on a positive note, i think im regaining my speed that was lost since ive joined the craptacular toronto barracudas.

100 breastroke in under a minute? yes sir, i can say i did it. and i wasnt even racing.

ow my legs.
14 comments|post comment

[02 Mar 2005|09:32pm]
so, i'm home. i missed everyone. all of you, plus my dad and brother, my cat (tompkins!) and just everything. englands nice, but its good to be home.

i didnt sleep last night. i knew i was coming home first thing in the morning and it was just this anticipation and happiness and sadness and lots of feelings i couldnt subdue for a couple of hours to sleep.

pierce drove me to the airport. he cant really drive. come to think of it, he doesnt have a car. hm, wonder where the volvo came from. anyways, i guess its the thought that counts. im gonna miss him. even though he calls me at least once a week.

came home. i didnt bother to unpack. my house was pretty depressing and annoyingly dirty so i did some laundry, cleaned a bit. then i watched rocky horror picture show. susan sarandon in that movie is just... wonderful.

went to the dot with marco. he's a good one to talk to. came home, took a shower, and now i think i'm gonna watch donnie darko and try to go to bed. believe it or not, i'm tired. woah.

23 comments|post comment

[01 Mar 2005|09:24pm]
private and out of characterCollapse )

[27 Feb 2005|10:27pm]
if it didnt involve leaving the ones i love, i would move here in an instant.

today peirce and i walked around the city. he showed me some monuments and stuff. good fun. mostly we just looked at people and tried to guess what type of underwear they were wearing. ate lunch at a skeazy mcdonalds. well, i didnt, because i find their food absolutely repulsive. but ya know, he ate like a fucking pig. i dont understand how that boy is so skinny.

then i went with him to do some business. i guess he still deals a bit on the side. some shady characters overhere in england. i try to tell him he'll get arrested, but he just doesnt listen. "im the best fuckin' dealer in the city, ty, don't worry about it! bloody hell if i'm going to get caught." i would dig into him more, but british accents make my knees wobbly and i cant get mad at him.

he made it his mission to talk to everyone wearing a fanny pack that i could see. i think he made idle conversation with about five or six people. interesting. i think he brought up odd sexual positions, the weather, the cold thats been going around, "bloody americans", and the scientific side of how sunscreen works. hes an odd one. i have no idea how he gets so much ass.

it must be the five o clock shadow.

tonight we went to see his friend's band play at this little pub. they werent very good, but you know local stuff, it rarely is. they were like... scremo skaish punk? trying to cross boundries but failing horribly. i snagged a couple of free cds for you kids to hear back home. i think they were called "the sun never sets on the british empire", or something else equally corny and history related.

i keep meaning to call my dad, but the time difference is throwing me off! so id have to call him like by six here to get a hold of him.

this place exhausts me. then again, it IS four in the morning. night all. i miss you!
11 comments|post comment

[25 Feb 2005|11:09pm]
ugh. i love london. i love it love it love it. ive never been on a tour to see ANYTHING famous. ive seen the airport, the road to pierces house, and some other skeezy places. but i still love it here.

there was some turbulence on the plane and the old lady next to me grabbed my arm like it was her fucking stress ball. now theres a bruise. do i just bruise easily? jesus.


ive been here less than a day, but im having the time of my life. pierce is passed out on the couch. which means i get the bed. which is pretty nice, i think his parents got it for him. or something. before they totally cut him off. LONG STORY. anyways, i'm here and im safe and thats all you need to know.
28 comments|post comment

[24 Feb 2005|05:35pm]
im packing and eating chocolate (what else, marco? im such a junkfood junkie) because tomorrow im going to england. i just need to get away from rick ev- cancer -ery- the one i cant have -thing. everything is insane and its not having a good effect on me right now.

ill be staying with my best friend peirce. whom i truly adore, really. hes as straight as an arrow and as queer as a three dollar bill. i dont know how to describe him. he just... is one of those people that you shouldnt trust but you do anyways? he gives you the best advice and you are like "wait, you didnt graduate highschool, why am i listening to you?" but you do. he's brilliant and borderline retarded at the same time. he makes me feel like something bigger than a stupid little speck in this humungous universe. if he ever knew i had this, he'd call me a pussy and kick me in the balls. i know he loves me, though.

anyways, nonstop party untill i want to come home. ive got an openended ticket back, so im not sure quite when that'll be. probably next thursday or friday. is it amazing ive been to visit him once a year for at least five years out there, and ive never seen any amazing landmarks? hes got this little flat right in the middle of london but all ive ever seen is the sleazy liquor store across the street and a few clubs.

ah well. its not a very NICE place, but he doesnt have a steady job. i think he was a dealer for a bit and is still living off that. plus hes a manhoe and can get money from anyone he wants. total sleaze. but hey, everyone needs a best friend. ive had others, but he's the only one thus far that hasnt stabbed me in the fucking face back.

i ought to finish packing, anyways. im leaving tomorrow. ill get online when i get there. woo hoo for wireless internet.
7 comments|post comment

[23 Feb 2005|05:47pm]
today simpson pulled me aside after i aided and asked if things were "alright in the homestead department" (his words, i swear). tha black eye is fading but i think he thinks im abused. im not. i abuse myself. i start the fights.

HANYWAY, the shock has worn off and now i just feel lathargic and dumb for some reason. and i havent been swimming in like... ew, since it happened? i dunno. thats my biggest concern, which may seem weird, but its not.

i just want everything to go back. ever felt that way? but then theres that irking that maybe in a way, things are better now. the tension's up, everything's broken. we've passed the climax at this point.

i feel a lot better today than yesterday. maybe its because i didnt sleep with a vicadin last night. my dad would flip out if he knew i know he has them.

did i mention i have a maglight? well i do. it probably seems rather random, but its red and i love it a lot. cause i like to walk at night. and you can break toes (and maybe knees! im so gangsta) with them. thats fun. not like i'd need it. you just slam on the foot and palm them in the nose and run. wee hoo. self defense in sixth grade did teach me something. can you believe they strung that course out for a whole semester? my god, school systems are so corrupt. i remember little sixth grade girls being afraid of male attackers because of that. that was fun.

anyways, off on my maglight tangent. i came home and watched some like it hot. mf, i LOVE that movie. how can you not? i know they werent drag queens considering they both had a crush on "sugar" (marlyn monroe, and despite the fact that she was a bitch, who wouldnt?). seriously, anyone that hasnt been to a drag show NEEDS to go. they're way funner than they look/sound, i promise.

im such a movie freak. tons of movies SUCK ASS but its so worth it to compare to the greats of past generations. seriously. hitchcock? genius. i love his work.

now im ranting about nothing at all.
15 comments|post comment

[21 Feb 2005|11:52am]
i have no idea what my problem is.

i dont know why i brought it up and caused a confrontation. gah, what is it with me? i say i dont want to fight people, but then i go and pull shit like that. i didnt throw any punches, which is extremely rare of me, so i guess i have some dignity left.

not much though.

why? i dont have any feelings for darcy anymore. nothing good, nothing bad, she's just there. why did i let it get to me? why can't i control myself?

i went through anger management for a short bit in wasaga. i guess it didnt work. the breathing shit, all the little things that are supposed to help, they dont. they didnt last night, how will they in the future?

everyone probably thinks im a spoiled little brat who just wants attention. that really isnt the case. ive hated any attention ive gotten lately, so i dont see how this would... gah, i dunno. my head is so jumbled up right now i dont really know what to do with myself.

im going swimming.
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[21 Feb 2005|12:12am]
private and oocCollapse )

[19 Feb 2005|01:29pm]
[ mood | its saturday, thank goodness. ]

i dont like being alone. my dad's back. my brother is probably going to stay with my uncle for certain reasons i'd rather not discuss. ya know, im a secretive douche and all that.

apparently, someone likes me. or two people, assuming there are no hermaphrodites in toronto (or the human race, actually). i dunno how i feel about it. eh. i dont know who they are.

we got a recliner today. me and my dad went to some nice furniture store and got him a "tv chair" because i made him lose the old one. it smelt of bad cheese and sweat and it was disgusting. my dad isnt profusely sweaty, it had been my grandpa's and when he died he left it to my dad. and my dad has had it since college or who knows when and well.. the grossness just builds up. but this one is new and leathery and smells rather nice if i do say so myself.

anyways, we were unpacking some last boxes today and i unfortunately opened a box of my brother's toys and a furby fell out. i had to disenmember the thing because it talked for an hour straight and i almost smashed it into pieces it was so annoying. i like the movie gremlins, but really, furbys are creepy and too much.

there was no practice yesterday so i went to the gym and did a set from back at wasaga that i remembered because we did it once a week, at least, and i had trouble. that means im getting slower. ugh. that isnt good.

well thats it.


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[15 Feb 2005|07:10pm]
i don't think people who dont take the time to talk to me really understand me. at all.

the whole darcy me rick situation... i tried not to take it personally and be cool about it, but obviously ive been failing horribly. i just take everything to heart really hard and i probably shouldnt. but i have this anger, that i dont really know how to express, and i take it out on people who don't deserve it. i dont know, its hard. i probably should go to anger management, but usually im fine. im totally under control. lately though ive been finding that theres nothing i can do. and maybe i should talk to one.. or both of them about it. im just afraid as to how ill take anything and how it will turn out. and i know i wont take the initiative to approach either of them. i can easily explain myself to other people, but i dont know if one of them asked me, id be able to explain it at all. but i cant. i just get so fucking mad.

i used to be really fucked up. like.. look at me. im fucking deaf because i was just waiting to fight with anyone for attention. and then, straight after, i became this locked in alone kid who didnt talk to anyone. ive come out a little since then, but really, im still way private. and then the times i do tell people things, i feel like they use it against me and i shut myself up more. and im afraid one day ill just be some fucking mental case living in an asylum in one of those padded rooms with no one to talk to, and i wont even know better or care.

ive been through a lot of shit in the last five years. my little brother growing up, my sexuality, my hearing, swimming, everything just is.. god i pile it on and in and i dont tell anyone anything sometimes.

like right now. im keeping in some fucking huge things regarding my life and no one knows anything because i refuse to let people give me sympathy because i dont want or need it. but maybe i do. and maybe i need to slow down when it comes to relationships, i can't let myself get lonely just because i see others happy. being single isnt bad. being in a relationship is hard, and i let myself go with people to easily and then i regret it. i regret too much shit in my life. maybe i should start telling people things when they ask me. maybe i should. i doubt i will.

i could tell everyone my brother might die soon, but then they'd all feel sorry for me, and who the fuck needs that?

on an up note, i had a good conversation with terri. she's kind of vulnerable like me, so i feel like i can tell her things.
14 comments|post comment

[14 Feb 2005|05:59pm]
so, im going to start out by saying i don't usually drink, ever, and im sorry to anyone i offended/groped/whatever'd yesterday (it was yesterday, wasnt it?). i paid the hangover price. lemme tell you, the second one is the worst.

well, its valentines day. to be totally truthful, i had forgotten untill a couple of minutes ago. its really not a big holiday for me. at all. it seems so overrated, by couples and single people. believe me, everyone, you arent the only single person in the world, you shouldnt let valentines make you feel like crap. if youre one half of a couple, then its an excuse to go to dinner or something. but really, its nothing big.

yesterday i came home drunk and watched fight club and sobered up in the process. it was lovely. i love that movie. mindless violence sparks something in there. in me, as there, that is.

okay, before i start making less sense, im gonna leave.
15 comments|post comment

[12 Feb 2005|10:43am]
so, i did way better than expected at the swim meet. i even got some hardware! second place in the 200 im. joy!

the dance last night was uneventful, basically, which isnt SUCH a bad thing. my brother and dad are still at my uncles house, they'll be back monday or tuesday. so my house is pretty dern empty. i slept in today and missed speech therapy. i dont really think im going to develop a speech impediment over the next month, but i should still go in. so now i have to call, reschedule, all that fun crap.

poetry? whats this?Collapse )

and im not some sap because i like poetry, but i think modernists are just too fuckin cool. and for some reason i really like that little shpeil of the hollow men. not sure why. whatever.
11 comments|post comment

[10 Feb 2005|07:54pm]
so you may have noticed i wasnt at school today. it's a rather long story. my brother's bee sting was pretty bad so i spent the night in the hospital and caught a little cold because we all know hospitals are totally full to the brim of bacteria.

so they gave him some ointment (heh, i love that word) and we came home and here i am, but i stayed home today and skipped swim and well, im all better now. took some nyquill and a nap and i was over it.

anywho, i have a big huge spankin swim meet on saturday and sunday! its going to be great, i'll be "reppin" for the toronto baracudas as their fastest swimmer, but toronto is slow, so i wont be getting top three spots or anything. they have some fast ass asians coming from wasaga who were faster than me, so ill probably be getting third or fourth in most events. oh well, it will still be awesome, considering there arent many swim meets, especially in winter. ill be swimming 500 free, 200 im, 100 fly, 200 breast. yee haw. but its a meter pool and i practice in yards so ill be faster than i think i am, i hope.

anyways, maybe some of you will come. it will be fun, for me at least. so far ive made barely any friends on the team, but there are some cool people. its like, swimming wasaga? my rivals, now.

anyways, valentines on monday. really, im not religious at all, and as a member of the male species, i dont really believe any of it means anything. just another chance for the dang candy companies to jip us out of our money. im single this year, so that means no large romantic gestures necessary. no money spending. yessss.

ill probably go stag to the dance, so if you want, ill save you a dance. all of you! yay.

afterwards, whos doing something? who knows what im planning on doing. im feeling free, since my dad took my brother to visit my uncle. did i mention that? party, much? i couldnt go cause of the meet, but thats cool, since i really hate my kid cousins. dont tell them i said so, shh.

anyways, thats it.

9 comments|post comment

[08 Feb 2005|10:15pm]
private and out of characterCollapse )

[08 Feb 2005|09:09pm]
so today consisted of sleeping in mi, sleeping when i aided for mi, and sleeping in spanish. no me gusta dormir pero necisito, y anoche no dormi (give that i an accent and there ya go). just when i have the slightest bit of high (on life!) i can't sleep and it really sucks.

so uh, yeah, i probably shouldnt have smoked, after that whole quitting nonsense, but i felt like getting away, and it wasnt really anyone's fault. i just needed it. plus my dad wasnt home. i mean, i dont think he would have said anything after i told him about the whole darcy thing, but it wasnt about that (i promise). it was just... long needed. it was like, torontos official "im home" smoke in, i suppose. i didnt smoke a lot, ya know, but my brothers at the hospital with his rash and i was home alone. so i blasted bob marley and lit up, baby.

actually, my dad hasnt called since this morning when he told me that bretty had to go to the hospital for more tests, so i dunno. whatever, im sure its just a formality. silly hospitals, i hate them so.

today i swam my arms off and it felt good. i know, thats like a paradox or something, but really, it feels good to have this "i want to go to sleep" feeling. i never have that.

well im gonna go call my dad and check the story.
6 comments|post comment

[07 Feb 2005|08:03pm]
i don't really know what to say about anything, so, i just won't say anything. and i wanna feel pissed off, but i dunno, i just don't. i mean, i don't want to say i don't care, i AM pissed, but not angry enough to throw a famous tyler bishop temper you've all probably heard i have. and i do. its very shy, though, and only comes out when something really gets to me. and this for some reason doesnt. one thing, though: don't cheat on me. ill go off on your ass like theres no tomorrow. call me, break up with me, just hold in your fucking sexual inhibitions, but dont cheat on me, especially if we've slept together. only a kiss isnt as bad, but its still bad. we werent together that long. i didnt love her or anything.

it really sucks ive never been in love. i don't know if i just suck at relationships, or i rush in because i don't like being alone, or i put my trust in people a hundred times over that i shouln't because it seems like everyones out to hurt me. girls especially. girls just get to me, and i dunno, sometimes i think being gay would be easier, but i know i wouldnt be able to keep away from girls because guys and girls treat you completely differently. im different, completely, in either relationship, and i dont really think its a bad thing. whatever, ya know? best of both worlds i guess. maybe i need to be alone for a bit.

i wish for once i just... someone cared enough to not screw me over, you know? god, it seems impossible. so many teenagers are wrapped up in themselves way too much and everyone ends up hurt. i learned to not be that way a long time ago, and some times i wish i were, so i wouldnt always be the one getting the sucky side of things.

maybe i just suck at relationships. thus far, ive only had one functional relationship. i know i could have totally been in love with him, but he moved to florida (ew, gross) and it had to end and there was nothing i nor he could do. otherwise, things just havent worked. its ranged from just not having mutual feelings to people who have for long periods of time just cheated on my. am i that fucking oblivious?

maybe this is a good thing. all this fucking reflection. but its giving me a hell of a headache. but seriously, you all have no idea how happy i am that im not about to kill someone. there are some hard feelings, but ill get over it.

on an even worse note, my brother finally recovered from his flu or something, like yesterday, and i guess had an allergic reaction at school today because his face is all swollen and weird looking. he came home at like ten in the morning (my dad went and got him) and cried for a couple hours because it hurt and went to sleep at about two. that kid has been having the worst immune system since we got here. my dad's gonna take him to the doctor tomorrow and check out this dang allergicness.
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pick up the reciever, ill make you a believer [05 Feb 2005|05:35pm]
i dont think i'm going to the party tonight. dorms are just a lot of college kids with a lot of drinking, and neither of those are my style. ive experimented, and i dont like it, so i dont really want to go. i hope darcy goes if she wants to, i just am not really up for it tonight.

anyways, besides that, nothing much has been happening. talked to chester last night, and that kid is one shady character. i dont like him one bit, he's a liar and i dont believe a word he told me about darcy supposedly "liking him" and whatnot. stupid shit.

anyway, i suppose ill go to the gym, since theyre open till ten, and swim a little bit to relax my nerves. my brothers still sick, its gross. luckily he hasnt infected me yet. le joy.
13 comments|post comment

[04 Feb 2005|09:27pm]
im fucking pissed. chester, you and i need to talk. now. and its not gonna be any fucking picnic.

what kind of douche goes around kissing other people's girlfriends, when the girl makes it completely obvious they have no feelings for him?

YOU'RE A JOKE. GET OVER YOURSELF. just because darcy and i havent been going out long, doesnt mean it's not going to make me angry.

like, respecting relationships is a BIG deal with me, and when people go and do shit just because of their own problems or feelings? get a therapist and don't mess with me, alright? seriously, i am beyond mad at you, so watch out, because i may seem "nice" or "sensitive", or whatever, but when you get on my bad side, you get on my badside. see: sean cameron. not like i want to bring that shit up again, but id say its a good example.

FYI: i'm not angry at darcy, because i know she didnt have any bad intentions. i know she just wanted to get to know people, as do i, considering we just moved here not to long ago. she had great intentions, making new friends, and i'm not gonna pull a malcolm moment and go ape on any guy who talks to her. i'm just gonna assume this guys a dumb fuck and i hope no one else is like this.
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